Branding Wars and Social Apocalypse

People with products have always been at each other's throats trying to best one another in any way possible, and it sets the stage for society. We're all so aggressive about the brands we use, like stuffing your favorite brand of jeans in someone's face is going to make them like you. No, stop it, all you're doing is getting fibers up my nose and I am mildly irate now.

But in all seriousness, branding didn't even used to be a thing: it was just products trying to get themselves out there to the public. Back in the day, an advertisement could be an entire page in a newspaper or a matter or minutes on the radio, and both were just products stacking the deck with all the wonderful reasons why their product is a real winner, like the shpeal you hear when you're on hold with a university's admission office. Who knew winning took so many words? But with the evolution of products to brands, you see the brands with that extra pizazz moving forward: the brands that could narrow down why they exceed beyond the other brands. Time kept moving forward and attention spans kept getting shorter until eventually long winded advertisements became more like capital punishment than consumer jubilance. We're lazy, and we want companies to come to our doorsteps and make us want them rather than us as the consumer bullying companies into making our lives better.

What's that? Your slogan is 5 words long? Life is too short to have time to read all of that, slim.
Oh that's nice, you're trying to relate to me? Hand over some free samples and then we'll talk.

Back up fools, the war is on.

Now, branding wars are a fun topic, especially considering how they've essentially created the platform for complete social annihilation. Whether you sport one brand of shampoo over another, or drink Pepsi instead of Coke, it's the same shotgun you're holding, my friend. Brands are social ammunition, and I'm not going to kid around and say that I don't participate in the battle. I openly scorn those who drink Pepsi, shuffling about with complaints every time I see that Pepsi truck parked outside the library. Of course, the kicker is that I know how little sense it makes- it's absolute nincompoopery, but that's part of the fun I suppose. I mean, any idle member of society who's got nothing on their hands might as well indulge in some intense head to head soda competition because there's clearly nothing better to do with our time.

Note also: it's said that idle hands are the Devil's playthings, so I guess this means that branding wars are doing us a favor. What a courteous bunch of folk!